REDNECK REVIEW #5

FEBRUARY 16, 2008
THE THIRSTY TURTLE
AURORA, INDIANA

VISUAL KAOS

I AM NOT ONE WHO DOES REVIEWS ON COVER BANDS! BUT IF THEY ASK I WILL! UMM LET'S SAY VISUAL KAOS AN PRIZONER ARE THE 2 OLDEST COVER BANDS AROUND, AN I MUST SAY VISUAL KAOS IS MY FAVORITE. JERRY IS KILLER ON THE 6-STRINGER, WILL IS THE TOM TOM KING AN CAN STILL KEEP THE BEAT GOIN AFTER STANDIN UP PLAYIN! POE ON THE 5-STRING THUMPER, HE LOOKS A LOT LIKE A HIPPIE VERSION OF GENE WILDER! AN MR. TEDDY B ON THE VOXS, WHAT WILL HE BE UP TO NEXT? IT IS AN HONOR TO BE FRIENDS WITH THIS BAND. THEY DO IT ALL, COVERS AN ORIGINALS! 4 ROUNDS OF JEG 3:1! HORNS UP FUCKERS!

REDNECK REVIEW #4

FEBRUARY 15, 2008
THE SOUTHGATE HOUSE
CINCINNATI, OHIO

CHAKRAS
THIS BAND HAS A DIFFERENT SOUND THAN A LOT OTHER CINCINNATI BANDS. I THINK NOT ONLY DO THEY PUT PASSION INTO THEIR MUSIC, THEY PUT SPIRIT. FROM THE VOXS TO THE GIANT FIDDLE ON THE KICK STAND, THE SOUND IS APPEALING TO YER EARS! QUESTION 1: WHO CAME UP WITH THE NAME CHAKRAS? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 6-STRINGER DUDE BROKE HIS STRING, NOT GOD, BUT WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT WAS WORSE! THE 4-STRING THUMPIN DUDE THOUGHT HE COULD DO STAND UP COMEDY! BAD MOVE, IF YA WANT TO BE A COMIC DON'T WASTE THE BAND'S TIME! I ALWAYS SAY IF SOME THING GOES WRONG AN CAN BE FIXED, KEEP PLAYIN, KEEP THE CROWD ON THEIR FEET, DON'T DO COMEDY! ALL N ALL I THINK SOMEDAY I WILL HEAR THIS BAND ON A DISNEY SOUNDTRACK, THEY HAVE THE TALENT TO DO IT. ALSO, MAKE BOTH OF THE FIDDLES A BIG PART OF YER SHOW, THAT IMPRESSED ME BIGTIME! I'LL GIVE YA'LL 3 ROUNDS OF JEG 3:1.

KRISTIN KEYS
WOW I WAS BLIND-SIDED ON THAT ONE! AT FIRST I THOUGHT THIS COULD BE GOOD... YOUNG PRETTY GIRL READY TO UNVEIL.. AND WAS SHOCKED! DIDN'T AHSLEY SIMPSON COVER THE ACT? I SWEAR, THIS WAS NOT GOOD AN THEN BEGGIN THE CROWD FOR A SHOT OF VODKA THEN YA'LL CLOSE YER SET, AN THANK GOD FOR THAT! WITH A MADONNA COVER SONG AN PUT A GREAT FINALE ENDING ON SOLOS IN IT BUT THAT SHOULDA BEEN IN ONE OF YER ORIGINAL SONGS, IT WILL MAKE A BETTER IMPRESSION! PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SHOWS JUST MAKE SURE IT'S TO A CROWD OF HANNAH MONTANA FANS! NO ROUNDS FOR YOU!

LITHIUM
IAN AN THE BOYS THANKS FOR HAVIN ME OUT TO REVIEW YA'LL. IT WILL BE SHORT AN TO THE POINT, I'LL HAVE MORE AT THE END OF THE REVIEW. LOVE THE MUSIC AN THE ENERGY, AS FOR THE VOX'S THEY NEED IMPROVEMENTS. DUDE YA NEED TO DISCOVER A VOCAL RANGE. LEAD 6-STRINGER KEEP THE SHIRT ON! NOT A PRETTY SITE. SO GO AHEAD AN GET YER 3 ROUNDS OF JEG 3:1, ILL BE BACK IN A SEC!

THE SCREAMING KINGS
HOW MANY MORE TIMES CAN I SAY THIS BAND IS AWESOME? WHEN YOU HEAR THEM YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY THEY ARE AN ICON! ALSO WHO ELSE BESIDES ME THINKS THE SCREAMING KINGS SHOULD BE DOIN THE HALF TIME SHOW AT THE SUPERBOWL? 4 ROUNDS OF JEG 3:1!


OK BEFORE I GO I MUST SAY THIS: LITHIUM YA'LL ARE A YOUNG BAND THAT NEEDS TO TWEAK UP SOME THINGS, AN YA'LL AN STITCH RIVET NEED TO HOOKUP, TOUR TOGETHER, AN CREATE AN AWESOME DUO TOURIN MACHINE. THIS WILL WORK! I WANNA SAY HEY TO JONATHAN WHO IS DOIN THE PCX FEST SHOW IN HAZARD KENTUCKY ON APRIL 5TH, MARK YER CALENDARS FOR THIS ONE, I'M GONNA GO AN PARTY WITH LITHIUM, STITCH RIVET, 11/16, CHIZEL, AN DUSTIN SMITH! HORNS UP FUCKERS!

REDNECK REVIEW #3

FEBRUARY 8, 2008
THE BLUE NOTE
CINCINNATI, OHIO

CORPUS CHRISTI
WHAT CAN I SAY BOUT THIS BAND..... HOW BOUT THEY FUCKIN ROCK, EVEN THE TALL BIG 6-STRINGER DUDE THAT LOOKED LIKE STING FROM WCW SHOULD HAVE WHIPLASH FROM ALL THE HEADBANGIN HE DID! I KNOW I GOT WHIPLASH! AND ONE MORE THANG DID YA'LL KNOW THAT AL BORLIND FROM HOME INPROVEMENT PLAYS THE 2ND 6-STRINGER FOR THIS GROUP? DUDE WORE A PLAID LONG SLEEVED SHIRT AN PLAID SLIP ON SHOES! THIS BEIN THE 2ND TIME I'VE SEEN THIS BAND, I MUST SAY ITS WORTH IT TO SEE THEM. VOXS AN BACK UP VOXS ROCK WITH THIS BAND! I WILL GIVE THEM 2 ROUNDS 0F JEG 3:1.

REAPER
THIS BAND YA GOT 3 YOUNG TALENTED ROCKERS AND AN ALMOST MIDDLE AGED LEAD SINGER WHO STIFF LEGS WHEN HE DANCES! THIS DUDE SHROOM FEEDS OFF THEIR TALENTS. I'M JUST KIDDIN, THIS BAND IS A TOP CONTENDER FOR ALL LOCAL TALENTS IN THE TRI-STATE. YOU CAN TELL AN SEE THE LOVE AN PASSION THEY HAVE FOR MUSIC. SHAWN VON REAPER THE BASS PLAYER YA GOT A NEW NICKNAME.... STORK BOY! DUDE YER ALL LEGS! WOLFGANG FOX IS THE METAL VERSION OF CARROT TOP! THIS BAND HAS A SOLID SOUND AN IS A TOP CHOICE OF ENTERTAINING BANDS TO SEE. 3 ROUNDS OF JEG 3:1. BUT FOR SHAWN, WOLFGANG, AND HARLEY, SORRY FELLAS, IT'S WATER FOR YA'LL TIL YA TURN 21!

DEATH BROKER
THIS IS A SERIOUS DEATH METAL BAND. THEY ARE SOME OF THE BRUTALEST GUYS I'VE SEEN IN A WHILE! LEAD VOX'S DUDE YA SPIT MORE BEER THAN YA DRANK! FUCK THE STAGE WAS DRUNK! WHATS REALLY COOL BOUT THIS BAND IS YOU CAN GET CLOSE TO A RHINO AN NOT GET HURT! I DID SEE ONE FLAW, BASS DUDE BROKE A STRING ON HIS 4 STRINGER. IT KINDA SENT THE CROWD BACK A LIL. HE PLAYED THE "AIR BASS" AN THAT WAS OK, AN LETS SAY IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE A BACKUP PLAN. ALL IN ALL THIS BAND IS BRUTAL! I'M GONNA SAY THEY ARE COMMIN AT YA LIKE A WRECKING BALL AN THEY WILL KNOCK YA DOWN! GET A COPY OF THEIR DEMO. THIS BAND PLANS TO STICK AROUND A WHILE! 3 ROUNDS OF JEG 3:1!

X-FACTOR1
I MUST BE HONEST WITH YA'LL, I WAS VERY IMPRESSED WITH X-FACTOR1! WHEN YA WATCH THIS BAND SET UP IT ALMOST MAKES YA THINK IS THIS BAND WORTH ALL OF THIS...... ? YES THEY ARE. I'M GONNA SAY IT, THIS IS THE HARDEST WORKIN BAND TO IMPRESS THE CROWD AN THEIR FANS! HANDS DOWN! IF THERE ARE ANY BAD ACTS AT THE SHOW, X-FACTOR1 WILL PICK UP THE SLACK. THE LAST TIME I SEEN THEM IT WAS 4 MEMBERS AN THEY WERE ALL DRUNK! NOW IT'S 5, MAKE YA THINK THEY ARE MULTIPLYIN LIKE RATS! BUT I WANT TO TELL YA'LL BOUT THIS BAND, THE NEWEST MEMBER LOOKS A LOT LIKE STEVE-O HIDIN IN THE CORNER. THE OTHER 6-STRINGER CAME FROM KORN, WILLIE THE 4-STRINGER HE HAS EARNED THE NAME MAN OF 1000 FACES! Q-BALL DUDE AWESOME JOB ON THE VOXS, AN TOM TOM BOY IN THE BACK, SO WHAT IF YA BROKE YER THANG A MAJIGGER. IT DIDN'T SHOW! BEFORE I GIVE ALL THE CREDIT TO THE BAND ON SUCH A GREAT SHOW I MUST TIP MY HAT TO...... JOE PRIESTLEY. HE IS THE ROAD MANAGER AN IS THE ONE WHO MAKES THE SHOW! I HAVE ONLY ONE COMPLAINT, WAY TOO MUCH FOG FROM THE FOGGERS! DOESN'T BLEND WELL WITH THE LIGHT! 4 ROUNDS OF JEG 3:1.

KILLBOT
I CAN SAY THIS.... IT WAS FUNNY WATCHING Q-BALL ACT LIKE A ROBOT FOR KILLBOT. I WON'T LIE TO YA... I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF KILLBOT, THE MUSIC IS GOOD BUT THE VOXS... WELL THE DUDE'S VOXS SOUND LIKE THE SOUND SOMEONE WOULD MAKE WHEN YA STUB YER TOE IN THE DARK! I MEAN IT'S JUST HIM SCREAMIN AN I'M SORRY HIS VOXS SEEM UNIMPORTANT AN WORTHLESS TO THE BAND'S MUSIC. I KNOW I'M MEAN FOR SAYIN THAT, BUT THIS BAND'S MUSIC IS BETTER THAN HIS VOXS. AN AS FROM WHAT I SEEN WITH THE BAND THEY ARE A GREAT BUNCH OF GUYS, BASS DUDE DON'T WORRY BOUT YER SIZE, GET CRAZY UP THERE. YER IN A METAL BAND. YA LOOK LIKE A KID THAT JUST GOT OUT OF BAND CAMP! MOVE A LITTLE UP THERE AN HAVE FUN! AS FOR THE VOXS JUST CLEAN UP THE SOUND A LIL, LIKE I SAID YOU DIDN'T IMPRESS ME AT ALL. SO FOR THE REST OF YA'LL 1 ROUND OF JEG 3:1.

I WANT TO TAKE THIS TIME TO GIVE A SHOUT TO THE REAPER GIRL OLIVIA, HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT A METAL SHOW? I GOT PICS TO PROVE THAT TOO! AN I ALSO WANT TO SAY THANKS TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WERE THERE TO SUPPORT LOCAL MUSIC! AN BEFORE I GO I WANT TO SAY TO THE SOUND GUY: DUDE YER TERRIBLE AT YER JOB! GET YER EQUIPMENT FIXED. THESE 5 BANDS THAT PLAYED HERE TONIGHT HAD A CRAPPY SOUND GUY TO WORK WITH. IF YER DRINKIN AT THE SHOW, YA NEED TO QUIT AND PAY ATTENTION. YA NEED TO DO A BETTER JOB, I THINK IT WAS A CRIME THAT THE SOUND GUY GOT PAID TO DO A CRAPPY JOB. TRUST ME HE AIN'T WORTH IT! HELL PEOPLE, THIS GUY COULD MESS UP THE SOUND CHECK AT A FUCKIN' MCDONALD'S DRIVE THRU! I REALLY THINK A DEAF GUY, BLIND WITH NO HANDS, COULD HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB. UNTIL NEXT TIME, HORNS UP FUCKERS!!